I still can’t believe I’ve made it this far. I had a doctor’s appointment this afternoon and hadn’t seen this particular doctor since week 7, when she told me we could be cautiously optomistic about this pregnancy. I don’t know if she remembered me or if she just actually bothers to read charts before she meets with patients, but she reminded me of that appointment. “The last time I saw you, the baby was just a flicker!” It’s so weird to think how nervous and scared I was then, of how I didn’t really believe that things would work out, and yet, here I am.
I had my first shower this past weekend and got so much stuff. Looking at all the cute things, I felt as if it all must belong to someone else. It couldn’t actually be for my baby, could it? I don’t know why I’m having such a difficult time believing or accepting that we’re going to actually have a baby in 11 or so weeks. I mean, I do know why, after all we’ve been through, but I would’ve thought that my expanding tummy and the baby’s movements would assure me, but I still find myself bracing myself for the worst. Today I was trying to imagine what I would do if for some reason we lost the baby. It’s like I have to mentally prepare myself for the worst outcome, even though I’m hoping that all I’ve been through means I’ll have an easy rest of the pregnancy and an uncomplicated birth.
I haven’t even done much of what I’ve wanted to do during my pregnancy. I always imagined that I would write letters to the baby every month, and have a pregnancy baby book about how I’m feeling, stuff like that. I’ve taken monthly pictures, but that’s it. Part of it is me trying to protect myself in case something were to happen, but part of it is my tiredness. It’s come back with a vengeance, and I feel nearly as tired now as I did in the first trimester. Some of my morning sickness is back, too, though mostly just in the mornings when I brush my teeth.
Today at my appointment, they gave me a support band to wear under my tummy. The baby has been very low my entire pregnancy, but lately he’s been pushing his head into my bladder. The band really does help, which is great. At the ultrasound last week we learned that the baby is head down pretty low, with one foot up over his head. Or at least it was at that time. Which explains how he’s been kicking my bladder, too.
Here’s a pic of the baby last week:
I think it looks like a boy. We’ll see. It’s hard to believe I’ve only got 3 ultrasounds left, at the most. I can’t wait to see if he/she looks different next month. The baby’s been measuring a little bit bigger, just like a quarter to a half pound bigger, which is good, I guess, though it makes me nervous to think I might have this giant baby. I was my mom’s biggest baby, at 7 pounds, but G. and his brothers were in the 8-9 lb. range.
Right now, G.’s in the baby’s room, sanding and taping the walls to get them ready for painting. We’ve decided to go with a very pale lime green color with brown trim. I think that will go nice, whether we end up with a boy or a girl. I’ll post pics once we get it done.
We haven’t done much with the house, we’ve been so tired out. Or rather, I’ve been so tired out. It’s livable, of course, but you can tell that the people who live here haven’t been here for very long. We haven’t hung any pictures or even curtains. Well, we’re not done painting the trim yet, which is why I haven’t hung curtains. Plus, we were waiting for our first-time homebuyer credit to arrive so we could buy some new living room furniture and we just got the check in the mail (so awesome).
The baby’s been super active and I’m just so thankful that everything’s gone so well so far. And I did talk to my doctor about inducing me on Lovenox, and she said that they won’t. I’ll be switched over to heparin around 36 weeks, which only has an effective time, or whatever you want to call it, of 12 hours. Plus, they have a drug that can counteract the heparin in case they need to, so it shouldn’t be a problem. I’m glad. I really want to let things happen on their own, when the baby’s ready to be born, though I’m sure I’ll be wanting to hurry things along towards the end. 🙂
I really like being pregnant. I’d hoped I would, but I wasn’t sure. A few people have told me that they hated being pregnant, and I worried that I might be one, but I really don’t. I thought what a cruel joke that would be, if I tried for three years to stay pregnant only to hate it, so I’m relieved that that doesn’t seem to be the case. I love feeling the baby move and kick. I love knowing that there’s this whole other person growing in there, and I love to wonder what he/she will be like. In the ultrasound pics, it looks like the baby has G.’s lips and chin, and I can’t wait to see if that’s true once he’s here. Will the baby have my ears and my super long second toe? Hard to believe we don’t have long before we’ll find out.
I just love this post. It reminded me of so many of the wonderful and terrifying moments in a RPL pregnancy. I can relate so much, I even imagined having to close the nursery door for good if we lost the baby.
You are so close and your little one is adorable. You will love those images once he/she arrives. Finn will smile in ways we have captured on his 28-week scan and we love it!
So close…..